20 Lessons from 2020

Good enough is enough

By way of upbringing and personality, I am very disciplined and self-motivated. However, as the eldest child in a first generation Chinese immigrant family, your best is always short. Life is not perfect and I’ve learned that sometimes “good enough” is already an amazing feat. 

Practice gratitude

2020 has been turbulent. It is easy to lament everything this year did not give us but it’s more fun to flip the script and ask what this year did give us. We can’t control our circumstances, but we can change how we perceive them. I am thankful for the people that support and love me. I am thankful for clean air, a home, my health, my mind, my spirit. More than the good experiences, I am thankful for my bad experiences. They have taught me humility, resilience, patience, optimism, and appreciation.

Ask for help when you need it

It sounds obvious but growing up, I learned quite quickly that I needed to be self-sufficient to help the people I loved. Unfortunately, that meant I didn’t know how to ask for help when I needed it. I was so terrible at it, I didn’t even know that I needed help. Asking for help is not weakness or incompetence. When we ask for help, we admit that we need each other to survive.

You can’t plan for uncertainty

COVID-19 has been one dark interminable tunnel. Months of uncertainty, cancelled plans, and an excruciating wait for a solution. No matter how much we plan, we are at the mercy of the here and now. We can prepare based on what we know, but flexibility is needed when reality hits. If we can change our mind in the admission of new information, that is our real strength.

Human beings are adaptable AF

Like any living species, we bend with our surroundings – we are all stronger than we make ourselves to be. Businesses became contactless to stay profitable, physical distancing did not stop us from staying virtually connected, our hearts break and heal. Every person has to deal with hardship but the silver lining is, we will get through it and be wiser if we choose to transform with our surroundings.

Evaluate what you can control, let go of what you cannot

Everyone experiences pain, but suffering is optional. I have seen myself, family, friends, and co-workers project our expectations onto others, stress about circumstances beyond our control, and ruminate over things that have happened in the past. I’ve learned that not only are these actions not helpful, but they use up your emotional currency to live in the moment. All we really control is the our will and perception – if we learn how to harness it, we will experience less suffering

You will never be completely ready, the time is now

The truth is, if you want growth, there will always be a chasm between the person you are now and the person you want to be…but first you must step outside of your comfort zone.  It’s called the comfort zone for a reason – you feel warm and cocooned but also farthest away from your full potential. I’ve learned it’s better to go for it now, despite doubts, and figure it out later. Opportunity doesn’t wait. 

Everyone has an opinion…listen to yourself

I have learned that for major decisions, I almost always knew the answer before reaching out for a second opinion. No matter how objective someone is, they will not understand you better than yourself (and if you don’t, go experience life to find out!) Listen to yourself before letting others cloud your judgement.

Personal time is non-negotiable

You can’t take care of others if you have not taken care of yourself. Moving home and quarantining has made it difficult to carve out personal space. However, I treasure the quiet mornings that I read, the laps I do around the marsh after work, or the mindless daydreaming before bed. We all need some well deserved “me time” to enjoy “we time”.

You attract what you are

Last year, I finally understood that the pain and frustration I was experiencing in my relationships was directly correlated with my intention, mindset, and self-worth. I was a stranger to myself so it was not surprising that I was not attracting the right people or perhaps, they were the right people based on my own self-concept at the time. Digging deeper into my own history and emotions allowed me to know the reasons for my behaviour and recalibrate the energy I wanted to attract – still a work in progress!

It’s never too late to start again 

I never liked the word fearless because all of us have fear – it’s natural, it means we’re going somewhere we’ve never been. I think courage is a better word. The courage to think of a better future, the courage to imagine yourself some place better, the courage to take that first step. It is only too late when you determine it’s too late to change.

Listen to your intuition

Intuition is merely a call to trust my experience and observed patterns. Intuition is a signal to slow down and ask why before jumping to conclusions. As I understand myself more, I am learning to trust my mind and body signals.

Energy and attention are limited. Spend wisely.

Every waking hour, I am blessed with a finite tank of energy and attention. When spent wisely, I feel energized, chirpy and ready to seize the day. Information is distracting. The myriad ways we intake information can affect our thinking and happiness. I’ve learned to block/decrease time spent on draining/toxic/unproductive sources of information like Instagram, news, gossip etc. For each minute I conserve, I can spend more on invigorating conversation, reading, writing, cooking, and other fun stuff that keeps my heart light. 

How people treat you is a reflection of them

When someone is unkind, don’t take it personally. Everyone is fighting their own battle but that does not mean you have to accept poor behavior. Be understanding but also have a strong sense of self and self-worth to protect yourself.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want

Women usually err on the side of being too timid because doing the opposite would be “asking too much”, bitchy or unladylike (whatever that means). I always ask myself: What’s the worst thing that can happen? When you ask for what you want and you receive an answer, you receive clarity. With clarity, you have the information needed to make a decision or learn what you need to get to your goal. 

Be comfortable with saying no

Before you have boundaries, you need to understand your values. I value time, energy, peace of mind, supportive relationships, purposeful work, learning, and quality conversation. Knowing my core values makes it easy to reject everything outside of these boundaries. Just because someone asks, it doesn’t mean you have to agree or say yes. You are part of this conversation, too.